Monday, June 10, 2013
It has been awhile since I last posted but just to give you an update God, which I'm sure You don't need an update but I'm going to tell you anyways. Since the last time I posted (May 16th) I was talking about NOT sending J to Landmark Middle School. You know, the one thing I don't like is a hypocrite!!! OMG! That's my pet peeve. I hope seriously I'm not like that at all b/c don't go talking about the schools around us AREN'T good and say "I would be homeschooling, instead of sending him to school." Then I say that I'm going to be homeschooling J, I don't get support AT ALL!!! Don't go tell me that I need to do something to help the family!!! WTH!!!! I AM helping the family by 1) trying to get food stamps AND medical care and 2). educating my kid!!! The sad thing is that I'm NOT getting any support from W!!! THAT'S DISAPPOINTING!!! I'm not sending my kid to a school that has the probability of getting picked on etc. I get sad when I'm not supported in what I believe is NEEDED. I'm told that I need to go out and get a job!!! Well, why isn't your SON doing what he's supposed to be doing to go out and getting a job!!! Yes I'm a little pissed of inside now. I'm ready to explode!!!!
I guess I feel better now! I'm all talked out. But getting tired of driving long distance. I think what I would like to hear once in awhile is good job but I don't get that. All I get is "you fighting with him, him fighting with you." I'm just tired of it!
Monday, June 10, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
School District is NOT looking too good!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
You know the more and more I talk to some parents that live in this area and have kids go to the Mo Val schools makes me NOT want to send Jeremiah to Landmark!!! I'm hearing now that a mom from the Boy Scout Troop, her son, got suspended from high school. He got caught with marijuana in his backpack. Of course he said that it wasn't his but still. I'm not blaming the school for that one but that mom was telling me the high school isn't good but trying to be good. When it first opened it was good but it got bad really fast b/c the teachers were telling the students what they really thought about them and not so good language. Then the teachers would grade the papers on how they looked or if they liked the student or not!!! WTF!!!! Now that mom's son is going to be attending a military school that is close to here but is in for a rude awakening!!! I pray for this School District b/c it seems like it needs a lot of help with the kids and teachers!!! It seems real ghetto out here and I'm afraid that J will loose his innocence real fast. He's a good kid and I don't want him to loose that! I mean I know what I need to do but he doesn't make it easy for me. I'm just going to hunker down and pick my battles!!!
Otherwise I'm going to have a kid that's really unruly. I mean there is another kid that WAS in our troop that all of a sudden dropped out!!! It was real surprising b/c I thought he was having a good time and was enjoy the boys and making friends with them. As I'm talking to my MIL A is on a downward spiral and I pray that he is able to turn it around to where he can see light. I pray the Lord shed some light upon this child to show him the way of the Lord. I pray the he sees God's light. My MIL was also telling me that the teacher was helping either or at least taking the time to come up with a solution. The tutor wasn't helping him either.
You know the more and more I talk to some parents that live in this area and have kids go to the Mo Val schools makes me NOT want to send Jeremiah to Landmark!!! I'm hearing now that a mom from the Boy Scout Troop, her son, got suspended from high school. He got caught with marijuana in his backpack. Of course he said that it wasn't his but still. I'm not blaming the school for that one but that mom was telling me the high school isn't good but trying to be good. When it first opened it was good but it got bad really fast b/c the teachers were telling the students what they really thought about them and not so good language. Then the teachers would grade the papers on how they looked or if they liked the student or not!!! WTF!!!! Now that mom's son is going to be attending a military school that is close to here but is in for a rude awakening!!! I pray for this School District b/c it seems like it needs a lot of help with the kids and teachers!!! It seems real ghetto out here and I'm afraid that J will loose his innocence real fast. He's a good kid and I don't want him to loose that! I mean I know what I need to do but he doesn't make it easy for me. I'm just going to hunker down and pick my battles!!!
Otherwise I'm going to have a kid that's really unruly. I mean there is another kid that WAS in our troop that all of a sudden dropped out!!! It was real surprising b/c I thought he was having a good time and was enjoy the boys and making friends with them. As I'm talking to my MIL A is on a downward spiral and I pray that he is able to turn it around to where he can see light. I pray the Lord shed some light upon this child to show him the way of the Lord. I pray the he sees God's light. My MIL was also telling me that the teacher was helping either or at least taking the time to come up with a solution. The tutor wasn't helping him either.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Update
May 9th, 2013
Well, from my last blog I've been going back and forth about sending J to school, ESPECIALLY to Landmark! OMG, I'm not just hearing bad things from parents, I'm hearing bad things from the kids. What do I do with that! W is wanting him to go there and have me to have PEACE! Well, if I'm to have peace then the Lord bring a job to me so it wouldn't allow me to home school J then! I want to home school him b/c it's the right thing TO do. I'm at peace when I decide but when I say Landmark I'm churning inside. I hope I'm not doing the same thing like I did at his other elementary school. I was right about sending him there. I knew it was a mistake but I had to b/c he had to see the difference between the two. When he wanted me to home school him this year I was excited. I was telling a girlfriend of mine that it's nice my season to have MY peace but it is the season to have J have his peace. I'm just worried about J and how he is going to do, not educational but socially.
IDK, what I'm going to do!!!
Well, from my last blog I've been going back and forth about sending J to school, ESPECIALLY to Landmark! OMG, I'm not just hearing bad things from parents, I'm hearing bad things from the kids. What do I do with that! W is wanting him to go there and have me to have PEACE! Well, if I'm to have peace then the Lord bring a job to me so it wouldn't allow me to home school J then! I want to home school him b/c it's the right thing TO do. I'm at peace when I decide but when I say Landmark I'm churning inside. I hope I'm not doing the same thing like I did at his other elementary school. I was right about sending him there. I knew it was a mistake but I had to b/c he had to see the difference between the two. When he wanted me to home school him this year I was excited. I was telling a girlfriend of mine that it's nice my season to have MY peace but it is the season to have J have his peace. I'm just worried about J and how he is going to do, not educational but socially.
IDK, what I'm going to do!!!
Monday, April 29, 2013
The Deed is Done
Monday, April 29th, 2013
Well, it's done. I have "J" registered for middle school. Do I like it? Yes and no. I like it b/c I don't have to deal with him anymore and his attitude. I don't like it b/c I know what's going to happen. I'll be stuck helping him do his homework every night for two (2), yes I said 2, hours or more. I might as well teach him at home!!! If I'm going to be the one doing that I might as well home school him.
But "W" wants me to put him in there for our own sakes. I agree with that but then I don't. I agree with him as far as keeping the peace but after going through my head, it's not that school IS or WAS bad it's the AFTER school that's crazy. I mean if he would just DO what we ask him to do then the house wouldn't be in kaos.
"W" got home from work and he asked me if I had found the birth certificate. I said yes, and also told him that it's done. W asks "what's done?" T says "he's registered for school." W asks, "when does he start school?" "In August," T says. J says, "WHAT! No!!!" T says to herself, "then maybe you should have listened and done what you're supposed to do. Oh well."
I'm praying very hard to the Lord to give me peace and understanding through this whole thing. I pray the Lord watch out for J as he ventures out into a new school. I pray J learns quickly how middle school works and stays out of trouble and keeps his cool.
Yes I have reservations on this. I always do when it comes to his education b/c I worry about what other teachers will treat him. Some teachers are not forgiving and patient. Some are but the majority aren't. I worry that they don't help him and that they won't spend the time that is needed. I pray that the teachers help and watch out for him when he needs assistance.
Well, it's done. I have "J" registered for middle school. Do I like it? Yes and no. I like it b/c I don't have to deal with him anymore and his attitude. I don't like it b/c I know what's going to happen. I'll be stuck helping him do his homework every night for two (2), yes I said 2, hours or more. I might as well teach him at home!!! If I'm going to be the one doing that I might as well home school him.
But "W" wants me to put him in there for our own sakes. I agree with that but then I don't. I agree with him as far as keeping the peace but after going through my head, it's not that school IS or WAS bad it's the AFTER school that's crazy. I mean if he would just DO what we ask him to do then the house wouldn't be in kaos.
"W" got home from work and he asked me if I had found the birth certificate. I said yes, and also told him that it's done. W asks "what's done?" T says "he's registered for school." W asks, "when does he start school?" "In August," T says. J says, "WHAT! No!!!" T says to herself, "then maybe you should have listened and done what you're supposed to do. Oh well."
I'm praying very hard to the Lord to give me peace and understanding through this whole thing. I pray the Lord watch out for J as he ventures out into a new school. I pray J learns quickly how middle school works and stays out of trouble and keeps his cool.
Yes I have reservations on this. I always do when it comes to his education b/c I worry about what other teachers will treat him. Some teachers are not forgiving and patient. Some are but the majority aren't. I worry that they don't help him and that they won't spend the time that is needed. I pray that the teachers help and watch out for him when he needs assistance.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Conflicted
April 25th, 2013
Well he did it! J finally made me cry. Actually it felt REALLY good to do that. What had happened was that J had an English assignment that is due tomorrow (Friday, April 26th) and he was looking up a word in the dictionary. I had walked to the front from my room and saw that he was STILL looking up the word in the dictionary. I reached for it to help him out (actually I grabbed for it) and he pulled the book from me and he broke my thumb nail way below the line where my flesh is and it hurt so bad I grabbed my thumb and it hurt like an SOB!!! So I walked to the bathroom and he of course he followed me but I told him to get away from me. Of course I didn't talk to J for awhile. Of course he said sorry. Not that I believed him.
I haven't decided whether to homeschool him or send him to school. IDK, what to do. I'm so conflicted on what to do. For one, I'm afraid on what the family would say. My question is, should I care what the family thinks or says when it comes to J's education? I mean his education is more important than what the family thinks or says. The other thing is J's attitude, anger and argument. The next thing is the assignments I'm going to assigning him. I mean HE TAKES F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!! I mean it!! OMG!! I had to take over tonight on an assignment that he was doing for 4 days b/c it took him F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!!!
Homeschooling takes so much out of me each day. I mean there are good days but the bad days are out weighing the good days. I wish it was the other way around. Then I guess I wouldn't have to worry about what other people are thinking or saying.
Well he did it! J finally made me cry. Actually it felt REALLY good to do that. What had happened was that J had an English assignment that is due tomorrow (Friday, April 26th) and he was looking up a word in the dictionary. I had walked to the front from my room and saw that he was STILL looking up the word in the dictionary. I reached for it to help him out (actually I grabbed for it) and he pulled the book from me and he broke my thumb nail way below the line where my flesh is and it hurt so bad I grabbed my thumb and it hurt like an SOB!!! So I walked to the bathroom and he of course he followed me but I told him to get away from me. Of course I didn't talk to J for awhile. Of course he said sorry. Not that I believed him.
I haven't decided whether to homeschool him or send him to school. IDK, what to do. I'm so conflicted on what to do. For one, I'm afraid on what the family would say. My question is, should I care what the family thinks or says when it comes to J's education? I mean his education is more important than what the family thinks or says. The other thing is J's attitude, anger and argument. The next thing is the assignments I'm going to assigning him. I mean HE TAKES F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!! I mean it!! OMG!! I had to take over tonight on an assignment that he was doing for 4 days b/c it took him F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!!!
Homeschooling takes so much out of me each day. I mean there are good days but the bad days are out weighing the good days. I wish it was the other way around. Then I guess I wouldn't have to worry about what other people are thinking or saying.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Feeling Lonely
Wednesday, March 27th
W had a talk with J AGAIN! Probably about what happened when we arrived at the ball park. W didn't go b/c he went to the scout troop meeting. I ask myself, "what did I do to deserve this child?" I know God you have a purpose for me but why am I feeling so alone. I mean living with two guys in the house isn't easy. I feel it's like "guys night out every night." Maybe I'm wrong but sometimes I feel (IDK if I feel or think) that sometimes W doesn't care about me. I know that's silly but I do at times feel that. Isn't that sad? It is sad to think that after 24 years of marriage I feel this. This maybe silly to think but ever since J came to the house W has....IDK. Whatever!
I feel so lonely that I just want to cry. I know I have A LOT of girlfriends that I need or can call and talk but IDK if they can relate to what I'm saying. I know at least one that can probably relate very well b/c she's in this situation and has been for a long time. Maybe I'll call her tomorrow.
I have had a lot of thoughts to just taking a gun and ending it! That would DEFINITELY put me out of misery. I know that's not the answer but I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm trying to say to myself "just hang in there a little longer." "I can do this." It's difficult when you're in an unfamiliar place and you don't anyone, you're not sure where to go or how far you can go w/o loosing your way. I know God that this part of my life is a "season" in my life but how much longer do I have to go through it? I know it's all in Your time and not mine.
Why does J irritate me so much? I don't get it!!! But not matter what he does he irritates me so much!!! Ugh!!! I'm so freakin mad right now I can't stand it!
IDK, maybe I'm not cut out to be a mom and just be an aunt. I probably shouldn't have adopted J at all. I mean I was such a nice person and now I've become a real bitch. I mean I'm usually not this way at all but I've become this person since I've adopted or when J has come into our home. I've been a raging bitch ever since. Is that normal? But then again what is normal? J is always wanting to what's wrong with me. I keep telling him that he doesn't want to know what I'm thinking b/c more than likely that my thoughts aren't nice and about him. I don't usually regret many things in my life I think this is the first time I've regreted something.
IDK why my heart is so hardened. But I know that ever since J has come my heart has been hardening since. I don't understand why though. That's the problem. I try to love him but how can I love someone when that person doesn't love me. The other thing is, I'm not sure if I love him. I'm not even sure if I love W anymore. IDK what love is. The only thing I feel that I love is B. I know I used to know what love is but I'm not so sure anymore.
IDK.
W had a talk with J AGAIN! Probably about what happened when we arrived at the ball park. W didn't go b/c he went to the scout troop meeting. I ask myself, "what did I do to deserve this child?" I know God you have a purpose for me but why am I feeling so alone. I mean living with two guys in the house isn't easy. I feel it's like "guys night out every night." Maybe I'm wrong but sometimes I feel (IDK if I feel or think) that sometimes W doesn't care about me. I know that's silly but I do at times feel that. Isn't that sad? It is sad to think that after 24 years of marriage I feel this. This maybe silly to think but ever since J came to the house W has....IDK. Whatever!
I feel so lonely that I just want to cry. I know I have A LOT of girlfriends that I need or can call and talk but IDK if they can relate to what I'm saying. I know at least one that can probably relate very well b/c she's in this situation and has been for a long time. Maybe I'll call her tomorrow.
I have had a lot of thoughts to just taking a gun and ending it! That would DEFINITELY put me out of misery. I know that's not the answer but I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm trying to say to myself "just hang in there a little longer." "I can do this." It's difficult when you're in an unfamiliar place and you don't anyone, you're not sure where to go or how far you can go w/o loosing your way. I know God that this part of my life is a "season" in my life but how much longer do I have to go through it? I know it's all in Your time and not mine.
Why does J irritate me so much? I don't get it!!! But not matter what he does he irritates me so much!!! Ugh!!! I'm so freakin mad right now I can't stand it!
IDK, maybe I'm not cut out to be a mom and just be an aunt. I probably shouldn't have adopted J at all. I mean I was such a nice person and now I've become a real bitch. I mean I'm usually not this way at all but I've become this person since I've adopted or when J has come into our home. I've been a raging bitch ever since. Is that normal? But then again what is normal? J is always wanting to what's wrong with me. I keep telling him that he doesn't want to know what I'm thinking b/c more than likely that my thoughts aren't nice and about him. I don't usually regret many things in my life I think this is the first time I've regreted something.
IDK why my heart is so hardened. But I know that ever since J has come my heart has been hardening since. I don't understand why though. That's the problem. I try to love him but how can I love someone when that person doesn't love me. The other thing is, I'm not sure if I love him. I'm not even sure if I love W anymore. IDK what love is. The only thing I feel that I love is B. I know I used to know what love is but I'm not so sure anymore.
IDK.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
This week was pretty good. Well, I should say so-so. Monday was okay but was a little difficult b/c we had P.E. with the Bailey's. We had our argument as usual b/c he felt that since he had P.E. he was able to relax AWHILE or take a nap. I swear this kid has some nerve. I catch him constantly about how relaxed he is just b/c he's homeschooled. I keep reminding him that would he ask the teacher to take a nap after they had P.E.? And of course I would get NO! Then why would you ask that of me? Or I ask him, "would you ask your teacher if you could take a nap b/c your tired after P.E.? Of course he would say no. So I don't get why would he ask me of this stuff! That's what I don't understand.
Tuesday rolled around my gosh, I had to ask myself "what went wrong." Tuesday started out like our typical day. School at 9, finished at 1:45 b/c we had a dr's appt. with Dr. Ed (as he likes to be called). If I haven't already indicated to you that Dr. Ed is a psychologist that deals with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). We have been going to him for a couple of weeks now and I really wish we would get into the therapy. We talked about some stuff and before we left he had J with something he should do. That is to not yell at "mom" and to stop and think and then do. Well, that all went out of the window Tuesday night at the Troop meeting. I mean the first half of the meeting went well but the 2nd half! Wow! Everything he had talked about Dr. Ed with went out the window.
This week was pretty good. Well, I should say so-so. Monday was okay but was a little difficult b/c we had P.E. with the Bailey's. We had our argument as usual b/c he felt that since he had P.E. he was able to relax AWHILE or take a nap. I swear this kid has some nerve. I catch him constantly about how relaxed he is just b/c he's homeschooled. I keep reminding him that would he ask the teacher to take a nap after they had P.E.? And of course I would get NO! Then why would you ask that of me? Or I ask him, "would you ask your teacher if you could take a nap b/c your tired after P.E.? Of course he would say no. So I don't get why would he ask me of this stuff! That's what I don't understand.
Tuesday rolled around my gosh, I had to ask myself "what went wrong." Tuesday started out like our typical day. School at 9, finished at 1:45 b/c we had a dr's appt. with Dr. Ed (as he likes to be called). If I haven't already indicated to you that Dr. Ed is a psychologist that deals with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). We have been going to him for a couple of weeks now and I really wish we would get into the therapy. We talked about some stuff and before we left he had J with something he should do. That is to not yell at "mom" and to stop and think and then do. Well, that all went out of the window Tuesday night at the Troop meeting. I mean the first half of the meeting went well but the 2nd half! Wow! Everything he had talked about Dr. Ed with went out the window.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)