Sad, Angered and bitter

November 10, 2013

So a lot has transpired since my last entry.  I decided to homeschool J AGAINST the better judgment of W. First off let me just say that was already a bad idea. I know! But to give J a SECOND chance I thought I would do the nice motherly thing (not sure Godly thing) but none the less Motherly thing and homeschool J.  So I thought I would advise J on Monday, Nov. 4th during school and let him know that I stuck my neck out for you so don't mess up.  Listen to what I ask you to do, on and off of school and we will continue to homeschool.  Tuesday, Nov. 5th we go to Dr. E and advise him that I decided I was going to continue to homeschool him and Dr. E. says to J to not mess it up and to pick your battles.  Dr. E even said that the things that we have come in to discuss that we have been arguing about has been little things and don't really need to be arguing about.  So we get done with that and go home and J gets a snack and he sits on the couch to eat it.  I ask him (nicely) to please go eat your snack at the table and he says NO! So we argue about that and I told him say "that's it. I'm submitting the school application tomorrow." J says, "no you won't." Me, "today." J runs outside after me and stands in front of the car do so I won't be able to get in the car.  So of course he says it's my fault b/c (J says) I don't care. Then J says (after going back and forth explaining to him it's not my fault) that "I don't like you." J says that we don't trust him.  I explained it him that we trusted him when he sat on the couch with a bag of Cheetoes and when he got up off of the couch he had a bunch of crumbs on the couch and so we made him clean it up so he could see what we are talking about.  I tried to explain it him that we trusted him and look where that go us.  Of course, nothing is his fault.

At first I was/am ANGRY, HURT, BITTER and anymore other adjectives that I could think of.  Lord I pray that You help me with my heart.  I know that You work on the heart and You look at the heart. Soften my heart to where You want it to be and have me to love this child b/c there must be a reason why you placed him in our house.  Give me understanding, patience and strength as we go through this difficult time in his tweens.  Please Lord soften his heart to be open to our teachings.  Work on his heart to help him to be open to Your teachings and work. 

I pray this all in Your name Amen.