Today is Wednesday, Dec. 19, 2012. It's been a while since I last jotted down my thoughts. A few things have happened since I last wrote. It started out on Dec. 5th - Dec. 12th flying out to New Mexico. Oh that was so much fun. I mean I didn't really do anything, besides , I got sick from my own husband, Wade Holland. He started out getting a sore throat on Monday and then got sick on Tuesday. When I arrived it hasn't really gotten to him but by Thursday it sunk in. So I made him got to the store with me and then we got some good night time cold medicine b/c the stuff he was taking wasn't working out at all. So he took his medicine and lounged around on Thursday and when he woke up on Friday he was ready to go and we cranked it out on Friday. But Saturday, I was feeling sickly and we didn't do anything. So we went to Santa Fe and looked around there in a tourist trap and had a fairly good time. We were only there for a couple of hours and came back to the house. Then we hung around saturday night and had a good nights sleep and worked on Sunday. Sunday was great because we worked and it SNOWED!!! Oh that was the best. It was so great to see it progress from snow flurries to snow flakes!!! We had gone outside and it was freakin' cold!!! lol!!! Anyways, it was fun and beautiful. But when it was time to come home I DIDN'T WANT TO COME HOME!!! I wanted to stay there for another week or maybe forever. Is it bad that I want to be away from my "life".........okay from my kid??!!!
Speaking of my kid, I'm trying to not react to his outbursts and I know it's not him. Like I told to his psychologist, Dr. Feldman, it's hard to separate the boy from the issue at hand. I've told the psychologist that he gets so upset at the littlest things. I.e. his alarm clock "NOT" going off when it was supposed to and he started banging and getting mad at that and couldn't let it go. He suggested that we do CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). I hope when I do call that I can get that started soon. I need him to start learning how to defuse himself w/o assistance. I don't know what I could do. He yells at me even more when I talk to him in a calm matter. I wish I could always talk to him in that manner. I think I did pretty good and commend myself in holding my anger. Well, until he kept going and going and going and not letting it go until he was thrashing things around and THAT really got me angry!!! I let him have it and finally told him that I'm yelling at you b/c you started the whole thing by him getting angry at the alarm clock. So when I screamed at him like that his attitude changed and his facial expression changed. It's sad that I have to go that far to get his attention and to get his attitude changed. It's not that I feel bad that I yelled at him, I actually felt better after I yelled at him.
You know the other thing I don't understand is being taken as a fool! I'm one for helping family, no matter what you've done, but to put someone in the middle of this drama is the other thing. It's disturbing when you are told one thing and you hear another. I'm not quite sure what to think about that one. Why go through all this to tell ME to get you on your side? Why not just leave me out of it and just ask me for help!??? I don't get it. It's not my family that has an issue with things from the past.
Anyways, I think I got everything out that I needed. Thanks for listening.
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