Airing my thoughts

February 12, 2013 Tuesday

Well the day started the same way. Yelling, screaming at J.  Of course it's the same thing, get the list done before 9:00 (before school starts).  He didn't have much to do but he did start eating breakfast at 8:10.  Of course he knew that he had to workout (minor stretching routine) at 8:30.  He should be able to get that done before 9:00.  Well he barely got it done but none the less he got it done. We started our Bible Study and we were talking about listening and doing what is told to you the FIRST time rather than 5 times later and then we start yelling at you.  Imagine that, do the request that we ask of you the FIRST time so we are not blamed for getting you angry or mad or pissed off b/c you didn't do what you were told to do!!! While we were talking I was looking at him and I saw that his eyes were dozing off and I was offended!!! Am I not allowed to be offended!?!! I figure I'm taking the time to teach him then I think he should be awake and pay attention. When I saw that he was falling asleep I sent him to run down the street two laps to wake him up.  So I go outside and what is he doing WALKING!!!! So I add another two on to his two he already walked! I told him to run two laps.  He walked it instead.  NOT LISTENING THING!  So he got mad at me that I made him run two more laps! So what does he do! Blame me for getting him pissed off! WHAT! He blames me for getting him mad! He blames me for getting him mad! What a freakin' asshole!!! Now if he RAN the two laps I told him to run, I wouldn't have added two laps on for him to run if he ran the original two. Imagine that!!! Listening carefully to instructions and do it the FIRST time! How is that working out J?! Not so much! Then he kept on going and going and going and so that got me more pissed off and I just finally threw down my books and yelled, "I'VE HAD IT!!! I HATE HOMESCHOOLING B/C OF FREAKIN' DAYS LIKE THIS." "EVERYDAY THE SAME FREAKIN' THING DIFFERENT DAY." "I HATE HOMESCHOOLING AND I'M NOT DOING IT NEXT YEAR." So I decided I call the middle school he will be attending next year to see what I need to do to get that going. I told J that I love homeschooling when things are going well. He gets in there and does what he's suppose to do and get it done! Like yesterday.  I mean we were supposed to be done early but of course he decided otherwise.  I get that he wanted to go wit his Dad to the storage and help him but school comes first! So he gets his English and Math done all before 11:30!!! OMG!!! If only he would do that everyday and get it done I wouldn't mind doing homeschooling.  But NO!!! He gives me grief and moaning and groaning, mumbling and gripping.  Then after he's doing all that THEN he does the work and he gets it done within 10-30 min. 

I so want to say that I hate my kid! It would be the truth! But if I said that it would be mean! There is so much I want to say but I don't b/c it would be REALLY mean.  There is so much I want to say to Wade but I can't b/c it would be mean and totally be disrepectful.  But what I don't get, I ask to purchase one thing from a scapbook expo (maybe $20 or 25) and I can't but W would go out and buy J something for his scouts that would cost MORE than what I want to spend.  W just spent $100 on stuff to go camping on what we can't afford.  If I was him I would have put stuff back and lowered the cost on the stuff.  I would have thought about the STUFF I was purchasing to see if you REALLY need it!!! If you don't really need it at this time and get by with what we have then fine.  That would be LESS than what would be spent and have money in the bank for the essentials!!! But I can't buy one small thing!!! I don't get it!!! W didn't REALLY need to spend the $100 at all!!! I bet he could have used what we had in our camping gear!

My thoughts are all over the place and I'm so deeply disappointed and hurt I don't even know where to go or what to do.