August 19, 2013
So my challenge from my girlfriend is that I'm supposed to say 3 kind words a day!!! Well actually that started this past weekend and I've failed since day one! I'm trying VERY hard to say kind words but come one J doesn't make it any easier. I when he does stupid stuff such as crawl through the DOG DOOR and the next thing I hear is "ow". What am I supposed to think!!! My thinking is that if he didn't crawl through the dog door in the first place he wouldn't have hurt himself in the second place. Amazing how that works out. The other thing is that if he listened to me in the first place maybe we wouldn't be fighting in the second place. You know I have thought that a lot of these arguments were b/c of me but now I know that it is NOT me and it's all him b/c if he would just do what I ask him to do then we would be smooth sailing from here.
Like now, he's taking a test and he's so drama!!! He's put his head on the table and dropped his pencil and I waited for him to pick it up off the floor. So I waited and waited and waited. Finally I had to say "three, two, one." Finally at "two" he picked up his pencil and he's not exactly focusing on his test. You see when I correct it and if there is a problem that's wrong then he'll blame me b/c he didn't know it or something else or I didn't help him etc. He says that he wants responsibility but yet he's not taking responsibility for his own actions and won't EVER say he is wrong especially when I prove him wrong. He'll say it's someone else's fault or I didn't do that etc. So how can I give him MORE responsibility when he won't be responsible for his own stuff FIRST!!!
Back to kind words!!! You know I'm homeschooling him AGAIN this year!!! I already regret my decision b/c I know how it's going to be. Arguing EVERY DAY and telling him to give his quarter b/c he's a minute late, don't yell at me etc. He tells me he's not going to do that but I don't believe that one for a second. As a matter of fact, I don't believe anything he tells me at any given moment b/c I ask him what he's doing and he says, "nothing." To me if it's "nothing" then you're doing something wrong and you don't want to tell me what you're doing b/c if you did then you would get in trouble for what you're NOT supposed to be doing! So how often does he lie!?! quite a bit. He tells me he doesn't do that either!!! To me a lie is a lie not matter how you look at it. No wonder I don't believe him in anything he says.
Yesterday at church, it really hit me hard. Maybe b/c I was feeling guilty on what I've been saying to him lately. Calling him names (bad ones) but that's what is on my mind. I calls it as I sees it!! That's my motto. I know God it's a terrible one. But you those parents that talk about how much they love their kids and they are spending time with them having a great time. Not me. I don't love my kid and I hate him and I don't like to spend time with him. That's why I don't like to be in the same room with him or do anything with him b/c I hate him! I know "hate" is a strong word but I think it sums it up pretty well. I don't know any other word for it but that! I do hate him and I don't even know what loving a child is all about. IDK, maybe it was never my own and never bonded with him or something. I feel like a long life baby sitter and that I wish I could give him back anytime and live the life I had before he came. I know, it's that old saying, "be careful what you pray for." I know I didn't ask for a normal kid or a kid that didn't have anything wrong or anything. All I asked for was a kid. Shame on me for not asking specifically what I was wanting. The only thing I sum up J is that he's a walking A**hole!!! He just has that attitude of an A**hole!! IDK why but he just fits in that mold. I know it's mean but it's true. It's not nice I know to express my thoughts but I can't help myself. He brings out the worst in me.
Like right now, I don't get it! He's moans and groans and yawns and makes noise. I'm trying not to react b/c if I do then he wins. There are times I know that he does things on purpose just to piss me off. The sad thing is I fall for it every single time. Right now he was doing something and not focusing on his test and I look at him and he says "what." So much for our talk yesterday. Like I said to him. Nothing gets resolved b/c it keeps happening RIGHT after we talk about it and he does the SAME thing AGAIN w/o fail. That's why there is no resolution to our arguments and then moments later he comes over to ask us for a hug when we are still stewing over what started the argument and he's been over it for a while now. It's like a "hit and run" situation. J hits us and he runs and never looks back on how many times he has hurt us. So when he tries to do something for us we don't say thank you or anything. This is part of the Aspergers. Kids/people with that don't know how to feel or are aware they have done something to anyone and not that they don't care it's just they are not aware of what they are doing to those people. They don't see the "dead" bodies that are left on the side of the road. Unfortunately, the care takers or parents that have kids like this or adults that like that have to be able to forgive and move on. It's so hard to do that when you're constantly being run over.
Well, another argument just happened. He was unfocused on his work and I told him that he CAN run!! Well, start at the beginning. I make him run a few laps to help with his unfocused attitude and to help him get exercise. So since he was unfocused I made him run a few laps. So he says he "can't do it" b/c he hasn't run much or done much in exercise this whole summer and therefore he can't continuously run a 1/4 of mile w/o being winded!! So he keeps telling me "he can't" and then I said "you're right". I agree with you you can't do it. Then when I tell him that he can't he says why are saying that. I'm only repeating what he just said! Is he not aware of what he says???? OMG!!! And he gets mad at me for repeating what he says. He tells me that I support him. You know he doesn't realize or is aware that I'm ALWAYS in his corner to be there for him and help him with whatever he needs me to do. And all I get is being yelled at or tell me that I start the fights or I do it b/c I like to argue. I get so sick of being this bad person that I have not be myself to be a good person.
I'm ending this argument by leaving. Good bye!
Monday, August 19, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
What's going on!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
It's Thursday, August 15th and I thought I was doing something nice for my dog AND for J. It started like any other Thursday. Arguing!!! Yes, again!!! I was trying to get him to focus to get his work done but of course, he would not have any of that! I did remind him that he needed to be done by 10:30 to go pick up poo and the other things that needed to be done before leaving to Long Beach. I'm house sitting for a week and I thought I would be nice to take J and Babe with me! You know I regret every second about it. I mean once we finally got everything in the car and started driving it was good b/c we don't talk when we're in the car. Aw peace and quiet for ONCE!!! Babe was in the car as well. I thought I was doing something nice for her too!!! But I don't think she was doing so well when got closer to the house where we are staying. I look over my right shoulder and I saw that she threw up in my car!!! Ugh!!! Not good. I knew she wasn't feeling well b/c she has runny poo. That's never good when it comes to that. But so I digress. I just needed to get her to the house and then she'll be fine. J helped a little bit to clean up the throw up but you know how kids are. They don't really do a REALLY good job just surface clean. So we drive up to the house and we have the windows down and she JUMPS out of the car w/o having us open the door!!! OMG, luckily I had stopped in the driveway when she did that but then she makes a bee line drive to the next door neighbors dogs and rile them up and then she comes back over the house!!! I finally tag her down and proceed to beat the crap out of her and tell her what a bad girl she was to do that. Of course she is yelping and crying her heart out and I felt bad but come on!!! I let her in the backyard and her and Buddy start to play a little but she was a little freaked out by my grabbing her etc.
It's Thursday, August 15th and I thought I was doing something nice for my dog AND for J. It started like any other Thursday. Arguing!!! Yes, again!!! I was trying to get him to focus to get his work done but of course, he would not have any of that! I did remind him that he needed to be done by 10:30 to go pick up poo and the other things that needed to be done before leaving to Long Beach. I'm house sitting for a week and I thought I would be nice to take J and Babe with me! You know I regret every second about it. I mean once we finally got everything in the car and started driving it was good b/c we don't talk when we're in the car. Aw peace and quiet for ONCE!!! Babe was in the car as well. I thought I was doing something nice for her too!!! But I don't think she was doing so well when got closer to the house where we are staying. I look over my right shoulder and I saw that she threw up in my car!!! Ugh!!! Not good. I knew she wasn't feeling well b/c she has runny poo. That's never good when it comes to that. But so I digress. I just needed to get her to the house and then she'll be fine. J helped a little bit to clean up the throw up but you know how kids are. They don't really do a REALLY good job just surface clean. So we drive up to the house and we have the windows down and she JUMPS out of the car w/o having us open the door!!! OMG, luckily I had stopped in the driveway when she did that but then she makes a bee line drive to the next door neighbors dogs and rile them up and then she comes back over the house!!! I finally tag her down and proceed to beat the crap out of her and tell her what a bad girl she was to do that. Of course she is yelping and crying her heart out and I felt bad but come on!!! I let her in the backyard and her and Buddy start to play a little but she was a little freaked out by my grabbing her etc.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Like Father Like Son
August 7, 2013
It's a beautiful Wednesday morning in Mo Val and yes folks, it has already started. The disrespect! Now what's surprising is the disrespect didn't come from (well it did but not the source) J it actually came from W! Yes I know! Surprising huh! Yeah I thought so. It started Tuesday afternoon, after school when J had homework to do. I reminded him many times that he was to get the homework done before he went to his troop meeting. I know the threat was there but nothing happened. So what if he didn't finish his homework, what would have happened nothing! See that's why I hate being so involved in J's life. It doesn't matter we have to go to his troop meetings anyways and he might as well come anyways. Anyways, I told him about his homework and of course the answer I get is "I will!" Yeah I heard that before!!! So what happens, it doesn't get done! So we go to the Troop meeting.
Wednesday morning: I wake up early and get my run in (nice one BTW). I get back and I see J having breakfast (me thinking he has already done his homework) and I ask him did you do your homework? J says, "no, I will." Oh those infamous words again!!! So I get on J about that and I don't get any help from W at all!!! I'm left to fend for myself to get on him about that!!! You know I remember when we first got J. W didn't want to have anything to do with him at first then he slowly warmed up to him and started to deal with him. Not helping in the sense of watching him or anything like that. I mean being there while I cook dinner! So anyways back to what I was saying, I just tell J that I don't think he should be watching t.v. b/c he has homework to do. J says, "I will!" Of course after I take my shower, I see BOTH W & J watching t.v. and J not doing his homework!!! So now, after t.v. (you see, J ALWAYS finds time for t.v.) and when I get told "I didn't have the time." is not cutting with me anymore! I'm tired of that excuse! You see, if you spent that time doing your homework that you spent watching it, you would be done!
Now I know where J gets his disrespect from. W is JUST as bad as J. I see how W talks to his mom. Just like J talks to me! J is only mirroring W on what he see and does. But you know W won't admit to that! So I'm STUCK! I know I could leave at any time b/c I have a place where I can go and stay. It's just a matter of timing or actually doing it. But for how long can I deal with this? Should I deal with this? I will continue to pray upon the Lord and see what He wants for me.
It's a beautiful Wednesday morning in Mo Val and yes folks, it has already started. The disrespect! Now what's surprising is the disrespect didn't come from (well it did but not the source) J it actually came from W! Yes I know! Surprising huh! Yeah I thought so. It started Tuesday afternoon, after school when J had homework to do. I reminded him many times that he was to get the homework done before he went to his troop meeting. I know the threat was there but nothing happened. So what if he didn't finish his homework, what would have happened nothing! See that's why I hate being so involved in J's life. It doesn't matter we have to go to his troop meetings anyways and he might as well come anyways. Anyways, I told him about his homework and of course the answer I get is "I will!" Yeah I heard that before!!! So what happens, it doesn't get done! So we go to the Troop meeting.
Wednesday morning: I wake up early and get my run in (nice one BTW). I get back and I see J having breakfast (me thinking he has already done his homework) and I ask him did you do your homework? J says, "no, I will." Oh those infamous words again!!! So I get on J about that and I don't get any help from W at all!!! I'm left to fend for myself to get on him about that!!! You know I remember when we first got J. W didn't want to have anything to do with him at first then he slowly warmed up to him and started to deal with him. Not helping in the sense of watching him or anything like that. I mean being there while I cook dinner! So anyways back to what I was saying, I just tell J that I don't think he should be watching t.v. b/c he has homework to do. J says, "I will!" Of course after I take my shower, I see BOTH W & J watching t.v. and J not doing his homework!!! So now, after t.v. (you see, J ALWAYS finds time for t.v.) and when I get told "I didn't have the time." is not cutting with me anymore! I'm tired of that excuse! You see, if you spent that time doing your homework that you spent watching it, you would be done!
Now I know where J gets his disrespect from. W is JUST as bad as J. I see how W talks to his mom. Just like J talks to me! J is only mirroring W on what he see and does. But you know W won't admit to that! So I'm STUCK! I know I could leave at any time b/c I have a place where I can go and stay. It's just a matter of timing or actually doing it. But for how long can I deal with this? Should I deal with this? I will continue to pray upon the Lord and see what He wants for me.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Have you ever......?
January 28, 2013
Have you ever looked back on your life and know EXACTLY where it went wrong? I know just that day, well not exactly the day but what event happened that my life was changed. Not exactly for the better either. It was when we sold the Hersholt house. That house was so cute and so perfect. It was so fun to be in too. I loved the neighbors and the neighbors loved us. It's where we started the family and where the family was broken up. It all started with Wade being in business with this stupid chick. I think I may told this story but just in case I haven't here it is. Well, he was in business with this lady that I didn't have a good feeling about. Talk about when you're reading in the Bible and the Bible talks about people are not what they seem (I'm paraphrasing of course). She seemed nice and everything but I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her until she continued to take the money and nothing came of it.
Have you ever looked back on your life and know EXACTLY where it went wrong? I know just that day, well not exactly the day but what event happened that my life was changed. Not exactly for the better either. It was when we sold the Hersholt house. That house was so cute and so perfect. It was so fun to be in too. I loved the neighbors and the neighbors loved us. It's where we started the family and where the family was broken up. It all started with Wade being in business with this stupid chick. I think I may told this story but just in case I haven't here it is. Well, he was in business with this lady that I didn't have a good feeling about. Talk about when you're reading in the Bible and the Bible talks about people are not what they seem (I'm paraphrasing of course). She seemed nice and everything but I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her until she continued to take the money and nothing came of it.
WTH is happening to the Holland Family?
Monday, July 1, 2013
Well, it's been quite a few days lately. I've actually been cyber-bullied on facebook and all I did was put something on my page in what I believe. If I'm to be a representation of the Lord Jesus Christ aren't I supposed to be standing up for Him? In this instance I am standing up for the Lord and I guess in the process I pissed a couple of people off. I guess the old saying goes, "if you don't piss people off you're not fighting hard enough." Well, I guess I'm fighting hard enough b/c I've done just that. I've been "unfriended" by Wade's cousin, Christopher and Fabian Holland (I guess since they could married they went ahead and did that). I would assume they got married since it was okayed by the judges in California. Look, putting belief aside, I STILL believe that marriage is 1-man, 1-woman b/c if it wasn't supposed to be a man would have a hole in his tant and be able to have kids and women would have a penis and be able to have babies as well. Since that isn't the case then there has to be a man and a woman to procreate the human race. A sin is a sin no matter how you look at it. I mean my sin isn't any better than the Gay/Lesbian sin, it's still a sin. It's funny how when Chris and Fabian came down to our house in Long Beach and stayed there and I gave them stuff to have a nice evening with and we love them not matter what. When I announce what I believe I get unfriended and say that I will never be in their son's life (not that I was EVER in his life to begin with). I did send him an Easter gift and didn't get a thank you card for that or even a mention on FB. Chris did mention that he got Easter gifts but not from whom. Then they also got a gift from Mom that she crocheted or knitted and again, no thank you card of picture with them on. That's totally disrespecting of Chris's Aunt right there and not a good then at all.
Then I have Wade's nephew, Josh, that chimes in on the piece where I put my post. He obviously don't know me very well but I would never call gay people an abomination. He is Atheist so what the heck does he care?
Well, it's been quite a few days lately. I've actually been cyber-bullied on facebook and all I did was put something on my page in what I believe. If I'm to be a representation of the Lord Jesus Christ aren't I supposed to be standing up for Him? In this instance I am standing up for the Lord and I guess in the process I pissed a couple of people off. I guess the old saying goes, "if you don't piss people off you're not fighting hard enough." Well, I guess I'm fighting hard enough b/c I've done just that. I've been "unfriended" by Wade's cousin, Christopher and Fabian Holland (I guess since they could married they went ahead and did that). I would assume they got married since it was okayed by the judges in California. Look, putting belief aside, I STILL believe that marriage is 1-man, 1-woman b/c if it wasn't supposed to be a man would have a hole in his tant and be able to have kids and women would have a penis and be able to have babies as well. Since that isn't the case then there has to be a man and a woman to procreate the human race. A sin is a sin no matter how you look at it. I mean my sin isn't any better than the Gay/Lesbian sin, it's still a sin. It's funny how when Chris and Fabian came down to our house in Long Beach and stayed there and I gave them stuff to have a nice evening with and we love them not matter what. When I announce what I believe I get unfriended and say that I will never be in their son's life (not that I was EVER in his life to begin with). I did send him an Easter gift and didn't get a thank you card for that or even a mention on FB. Chris did mention that he got Easter gifts but not from whom. Then they also got a gift from Mom that she crocheted or knitted and again, no thank you card of picture with them on. That's totally disrespecting of Chris's Aunt right there and not a good then at all.
Then I have Wade's nephew, Josh, that chimes in on the piece where I put my post. He obviously don't know me very well but I would never call gay people an abomination. He is Atheist so what the heck does he care?
It's been a Year!
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Since my last post (June 10th) some things have progressed and something have not. The attitude continues with J. We've been dealing with J's attitude for quite sometime and it get a little tiring. I've been REALLY hard to not get into arguments with him but he makes it real difficult when he's trying to make his point when there is not point to make at all. Just recently he told us (W & T) that we yell at him for no reason at all. That we don't treat him like an equal! I'm saddened that he feels this way b/c since he really doesn't have anyone out there to play with but then again he doesn't really make an effort to make friends either. I make it a point to go to park days and not that we're starting school back up again soon in September I'm back together in the Co-op I hope that he makes friends. I know part of his issue (the Aspergers) the ability to make AND keep friends. He needs work with making contact with them and creating a conversation. Some kids don't like that and/or don't know how to deal with this type of disability. I'm hoping with joining the co-op again that he is able to do that. I feel sometimes so overwhelmed with this issue that all I want to do is run away and never come back. I wish I've met someone with this type of issue so I could see what I'm looking towards. Plus on top of all this J is a tween. He thinks he's a teenager but he's not. In order for me not to have any contact with him I try to not talk to him or I walk out of the room. We've been seeing this therapist, Dr. E. He's a nice man. When we first started going to him I thought I was doing something wrong but come to find out it is all him and not all me. It's great to hear that b/c I was beginning to think it was all me and I'm the one who is the mean person. I know that I could probably treat J better and talk to him in a nice manner but he doesn't help either when I ask him to do something he gives me an attitude.
It's been a year since we've moved out to Moreno Valley. Boy that year went by fast. I was really hoping that we would have been a little farther than where we are today. We're still at Mom's house (thank goodness) but in a way, I'm wish we had out own place. At first when we
Since my last post (June 10th) some things have progressed and something have not. The attitude continues with J. We've been dealing with J's attitude for quite sometime and it get a little tiring. I've been REALLY hard to not get into arguments with him but he makes it real difficult when he's trying to make his point when there is not point to make at all. Just recently he told us (W & T) that we yell at him for no reason at all. That we don't treat him like an equal! I'm saddened that he feels this way b/c since he really doesn't have anyone out there to play with but then again he doesn't really make an effort to make friends either. I make it a point to go to park days and not that we're starting school back up again soon in September I'm back together in the Co-op I hope that he makes friends. I know part of his issue (the Aspergers) the ability to make AND keep friends. He needs work with making contact with them and creating a conversation. Some kids don't like that and/or don't know how to deal with this type of disability. I'm hoping with joining the co-op again that he is able to do that. I feel sometimes so overwhelmed with this issue that all I want to do is run away and never come back. I wish I've met someone with this type of issue so I could see what I'm looking towards. Plus on top of all this J is a tween. He thinks he's a teenager but he's not. In order for me not to have any contact with him I try to not talk to him or I walk out of the room. We've been seeing this therapist, Dr. E. He's a nice man. When we first started going to him I thought I was doing something wrong but come to find out it is all him and not all me. It's great to hear that b/c I was beginning to think it was all me and I'm the one who is the mean person. I know that I could probably treat J better and talk to him in a nice manner but he doesn't help either when I ask him to do something he gives me an attitude.
It's been a year since we've moved out to Moreno Valley. Boy that year went by fast. I was really hoping that we would have been a little farther than where we are today. We're still at Mom's house (thank goodness) but in a way, I'm wish we had out own place. At first when we
WHAT THE HELL!
Monday, August 5, 2013
So I get home from a meeting and I just asked a question to see if J brushed his teeth? I saw that he was talking to his Dad and I know how some conversations go, and go and go and go and go and go and what if, and go and what if and go. So I say AGAIN J have you brushed your teeth yet? And they are STILL talking (this was 8:50) and still talking, and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking. So 5 min later I ask again, J have your brushed your teeth yet? I get a NO I HAVEN'T!!! So now it's 9:06 pm and (AFTER HIS BEDTIME). So J is supposed to be in bed by now but is he in bed...........NO!!! I get accused of being so tough so IDC (I don't care) what time he goes to be anymore if no one else cares. I'm getting tired of the one who gives a rip about things around here!!! I mean I'm the one who has to deal with him when he has to get up in the morning grumpy or having a blow out in the morning etc. Not W. I'm just trying to get thing head off at the pass so I DON'THAVE TO DEAL WITH IT IN THE MORNING!!! But I guess W doesn't see it that way. So I'm not worried about having him go to bed either. I remind J about his pills every night and make sure he goes to bed on time. I guess if W doesn't care I don't care either. As a matter of fact, I'm don't care he has a job or not b/c I feel with everything we have been through the last few years is W's fault!!! It all stems from the Hersholt house. If he didn't sell the house and we didn't move then I think things would have been different. It all started there! There is so much crap I have to deal with when I'm the only woman in the family. I know where all the attitude stems from and it stems from W. W doesn't wash the clothes, dishes or clean so J sees it and asks himself as to Why do I have to do this stuff if Dad doesn't. Fair question. I think that we would have a different child if W would do some of the things that J has to do. I think the attitude would be different if he would just sometimes keep his mouth shut as well. I mean I have to bite my tongue a lot a lot of the time here. I mean W doesn't lift a finger for his mom when he is asked to do something from his Mom. I mean I see it the way he speaks to his Mom and it's the SAME way J speaks to me! I know it stems from W a lot of the time. Unfortunately, W doesn't see it that way and he walks around like his shit doesn't stink. I sometimes think that God is working on me to be obedient to God and to work on my patience. Actually, I don't sometimes think, I KNOW God is working on me all the time.
I feel that being on FB doesn't help with me venting b/c W is on there and plus I get critized for me venting on FB from family. I get accused on there from FAMILY and not only friends. Family defriends me b/c of something I believe (which IDC) b/c if that's the way they think I am then FUCK THEM!!! IDC if they have been straightened out the fact that they thought that. If they thought that then they don't know me very well and don't care to get to know me and they think their Uncle married someone like that!!! W's cousin C & F. I stand up to what I believe and I post it on my FB acct and they think I would think that Gay people are an abomination! REALLY, I'm not one to judge anyone b/c it says in the Bible that I'm not to judge less I be judged!!! Well, God has judged me and/or will judge me when the time comes! I just think that a marriage is between ONE MAN/ONE WOMAN! The Holland clan is such BULLSHIT!!! THEY ARE ALL FREAKIN' CRAZY!!
I'm getting dropped left and right by THAT side of the family. It's going to be interesting when it comes time to a family reunion. I'm just going to get up and walk away if someone brings that crap up!!! B/c I don't want to get into it and have to explain myself! Why should I anyways. I should be the one receiving an apology from his family but will I EVER.............NO! I will probably get beat down again from verbal abuse from his family AGAIN!!! H (sister) says they straightened out J (son). I doubt that very much!! Beside if he was straightened out then I think H (sister) should have told J (son) to say sorry to me for saying what he said!!! Will I EVER get that...............NO! I'm sick of his family BS!!!
So I get home from a meeting and I just asked a question to see if J brushed his teeth? I saw that he was talking to his Dad and I know how some conversations go, and go and go and go and go and go and what if, and go and what if and go. So I say AGAIN J have you brushed your teeth yet? And they are STILL talking (this was 8:50) and still talking, and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking. So 5 min later I ask again, J have your brushed your teeth yet? I get a NO I HAVEN'T!!! So now it's 9:06 pm and (AFTER HIS BEDTIME). So J is supposed to be in bed by now but is he in bed...........NO!!! I get accused of being so tough so IDC (I don't care) what time he goes to be anymore if no one else cares. I'm getting tired of the one who gives a rip about things around here!!! I mean I'm the one who has to deal with him when he has to get up in the morning grumpy or having a blow out in the morning etc. Not W. I'm just trying to get thing head off at the pass so I DON'THAVE TO DEAL WITH IT IN THE MORNING!!! But I guess W doesn't see it that way. So I'm not worried about having him go to bed either. I remind J about his pills every night and make sure he goes to bed on time. I guess if W doesn't care I don't care either. As a matter of fact, I'm don't care he has a job or not b/c I feel with everything we have been through the last few years is W's fault!!! It all stems from the Hersholt house. If he didn't sell the house and we didn't move then I think things would have been different. It all started there! There is so much crap I have to deal with when I'm the only woman in the family. I know where all the attitude stems from and it stems from W. W doesn't wash the clothes, dishes or clean so J sees it and asks himself as to Why do I have to do this stuff if Dad doesn't. Fair question. I think that we would have a different child if W would do some of the things that J has to do. I think the attitude would be different if he would just sometimes keep his mouth shut as well. I mean I have to bite my tongue a lot a lot of the time here. I mean W doesn't lift a finger for his mom when he is asked to do something from his Mom. I mean I see it the way he speaks to his Mom and it's the SAME way J speaks to me! I know it stems from W a lot of the time. Unfortunately, W doesn't see it that way and he walks around like his shit doesn't stink. I sometimes think that God is working on me to be obedient to God and to work on my patience. Actually, I don't sometimes think, I KNOW God is working on me all the time.
I feel that being on FB doesn't help with me venting b/c W is on there and plus I get critized for me venting on FB from family. I get accused on there from FAMILY and not only friends. Family defriends me b/c of something I believe (which IDC) b/c if that's the way they think I am then FUCK THEM!!! IDC if they have been straightened out the fact that they thought that. If they thought that then they don't know me very well and don't care to get to know me and they think their Uncle married someone like that!!! W's cousin C & F. I stand up to what I believe and I post it on my FB acct and they think I would think that Gay people are an abomination! REALLY, I'm not one to judge anyone b/c it says in the Bible that I'm not to judge less I be judged!!! Well, God has judged me and/or will judge me when the time comes! I just think that a marriage is between ONE MAN/ONE WOMAN! The Holland clan is such BULLSHIT!!! THEY ARE ALL FREAKIN' CRAZY!!
I'm getting dropped left and right by THAT side of the family. It's going to be interesting when it comes time to a family reunion. I'm just going to get up and walk away if someone brings that crap up!!! B/c I don't want to get into it and have to explain myself! Why should I anyways. I should be the one receiving an apology from his family but will I EVER.............NO! I will probably get beat down again from verbal abuse from his family AGAIN!!! H (sister) says they straightened out J (son). I doubt that very much!! Beside if he was straightened out then I think H (sister) should have told J (son) to say sorry to me for saying what he said!!! Will I EVER get that...............NO! I'm sick of his family BS!!!
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