Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Riddle me this Batman!!! Sorry I couldn't help it. I had to ask that question!!! Picture this scenario.....your kid comes up to you to ask you about if he could have his electronics back. The father says no b/c it's not done with the two (2) weeks punishment. The father and son discuss the issues of the punishment and father says that tonight (Wednesday) after midnight you are able to watch and get your electronics back. Then father says to son......"since this is the last game of the world series why don't you watch the baseball game?" WTH!!!! You just let him watch t.v. (restriction from) after you JUST said that you're not allowed to have electronics!!!! I don't get it!!! Does that not make sense at all or is it just me? IDK.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Not happy for a while
Tuesday, October 2, 2013
Well, I think the homeschooling has finally come to an end. These past few days have been TERRIBLE!!!! I understand about the testosterone flowing threw someone but MAN is this really bad this time. I don't know where the disrespect comes from or where he can get the idea that he can stand up to me or to his father. I don't get it. So at this time the homeschooling is no longer healthy for the two of us, that family or the house. It would be nice to send him off to school if we had a good school district to or school to send him to. The schools out here are TERRIBLE. They have gangs that form in the school and there are a lot of fights that happen. Now IDK whether the fights start from the kids I know to survive but that still doesn't make it right. I'm saddened by this b/c I really enjoy homeschooling when you don't have a student that argues with you about doing the work or doing the work in a timely manner. The words that are said are hurtful and when you have a student that says things that are hurtful (plus you have a child that doesn't FEEL they are hurtful) it is hard to homeschool. My heart cries out for you God. I pray that you would soften my heart. Take away this burden from my heart that I have turn it into Your goodness and love. Have me to love my son the way You love him. Show me that I can love him like You. How DO I love the unloveable? The way I look at it is I pray that this school change would turn out to be a good thing. I hope he soars higher than he did when I was homeschooling him. I hope he likes what he is doing and thrives on wanting to do more. I pray that he is eager to do what he needs to do and that he can keep up. Lord pour Your love upon to this household. We are in desperate need of Your kindness, love and grace. Hold this family together as You want it to be. Take these dark thoughts from my head. Pour Your grace and wisdom upon me. Have me to be the light for J and have me to love him and not hate him. Have me NOT to regret my choice and have me to Thank God that we adopted him. I pray that You take J and You give him Your grace and Your wisdom. Have him to learn to love those that are not like him. Have to learn to make friends and keep them. Have him to run and play and have fun like other kids can do. Have to be broken and be obedient and honor the parents he has. Have to be grateful for the things You have provided for him. Have him to have hope love peace and joy.
I pray that You take away my dark thoughts. Take away the thoughts of suicide. Take away the thoughts of trying to figure out how I could do it w/o feeling the pain b/c I've been feeling too much pain for awhile. It's been so long since I've been or felt happy IDK what it is to be happy or to feel happy. Have those feelings come back to me and to this family. Have me to want to be part of this family. Have me to WANT to be a Mom. Have me to have a great experience in being a parent. I would like to have the relationship with my son.
Well, I think the homeschooling has finally come to an end. These past few days have been TERRIBLE!!!! I understand about the testosterone flowing threw someone but MAN is this really bad this time. I don't know where the disrespect comes from or where he can get the idea that he can stand up to me or to his father. I don't get it. So at this time the homeschooling is no longer healthy for the two of us, that family or the house. It would be nice to send him off to school if we had a good school district to or school to send him to. The schools out here are TERRIBLE. They have gangs that form in the school and there are a lot of fights that happen. Now IDK whether the fights start from the kids I know to survive but that still doesn't make it right. I'm saddened by this b/c I really enjoy homeschooling when you don't have a student that argues with you about doing the work or doing the work in a timely manner. The words that are said are hurtful and when you have a student that says things that are hurtful (plus you have a child that doesn't FEEL they are hurtful) it is hard to homeschool. My heart cries out for you God. I pray that you would soften my heart. Take away this burden from my heart that I have turn it into Your goodness and love. Have me to love my son the way You love him. Show me that I can love him like You. How DO I love the unloveable? The way I look at it is I pray that this school change would turn out to be a good thing. I hope he soars higher than he did when I was homeschooling him. I hope he likes what he is doing and thrives on wanting to do more. I pray that he is eager to do what he needs to do and that he can keep up. Lord pour Your love upon to this household. We are in desperate need of Your kindness, love and grace. Hold this family together as You want it to be. Take these dark thoughts from my head. Pour Your grace and wisdom upon me. Have me to be the light for J and have me to love him and not hate him. Have me NOT to regret my choice and have me to Thank God that we adopted him. I pray that You take J and You give him Your grace and Your wisdom. Have him to learn to love those that are not like him. Have to learn to make friends and keep them. Have him to run and play and have fun like other kids can do. Have to be broken and be obedient and honor the parents he has. Have to be grateful for the things You have provided for him. Have him to have hope love peace and joy.
I pray that You take away my dark thoughts. Take away the thoughts of suicide. Take away the thoughts of trying to figure out how I could do it w/o feeling the pain b/c I've been feeling too much pain for awhile. It's been so long since I've been or felt happy IDK what it is to be happy or to feel happy. Have those feelings come back to me and to this family. Have me to want to be part of this family. Have me to WANT to be a Mom. Have me to have a great experience in being a parent. I would like to have the relationship with my son.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Respect?
Monday, October 7, 2013
So J asks a question a few weeks back on what is respect? REALLY? He supposed to know that b/c we (or at least I do) try to teach him that so why would he be asking what that meant? It amazes me that J does not give me the respect that I deserve. All I ask is to have him do certain things and just do them w/o moaning, groaning, griping and complaining but he does. I don't really ask him to like jump off a tall building, or go run down to the store and buy groceries for me and walk home. I just want him to do as I ask w/o out anything or rolling of the eyes. I actually witness he can do it today. He actually go all his homework and work done by 3:30ish. I was very excited for him and I even complimented him on that. I give him time to watch t.v. and let him have a snack!!! I mean I could have so told him NO and be a total bitch about it.
I often wonder if I'm being too hard on him in trying to teach him to be a gentleman when he is totally incapable of being that. With having him have Aspergers the children don't exactly have feelings or understand about social manners or anything. So am I expecting too much or trying to teach the unteachable? I'm not sure.
It's been a while since I even said anything on FB b/c I get yelled at just by venting. I sometimes I just want to vent and get things off my chest. I sometimes feel that when I go to W I'm more of a sibling and telling on J than a mother that is concerned about rules? When he goes to bed I don't the motion like he's going to hug me like he does to GM or W but then again I don't motion to him either b/c I'm mad at him. I mean, he yells at me and then turns around to think everything is hunky dory and I'm supposed to forgive him for yelling at me and give him a hug? I don't think so!!! I'm sorry I can't forgive knowing I'm going to be yelled at soon or right after I forgive him. I get the yelling the most b/c W isn't involved with him that much. Only in scouts or maybe once a month at a camping trip or maybe on weekends. I look forward to the times when I'm not at home and by myself. I love it. I don't have to deal with him or talk to him. I try not to deal with him when I'm at home or react to his stuff that he says or does. I try to look the other way.
You know since I've started this blog. I actually have been feeling better and not coming on here to write with a sad or angry heart. Yes my heart is sad and hurt but it's different when I come on here. I feel like I'm talking to someone that understands me and listens to me and not judge me b/c I feel that sometimes W judges me on my parenting skills or my thought on why I do things.
But anyways, I thank you for listening. :D
So J asks a question a few weeks back on what is respect? REALLY? He supposed to know that b/c we (or at least I do) try to teach him that so why would he be asking what that meant? It amazes me that J does not give me the respect that I deserve. All I ask is to have him do certain things and just do them w/o moaning, groaning, griping and complaining but he does. I don't really ask him to like jump off a tall building, or go run down to the store and buy groceries for me and walk home. I just want him to do as I ask w/o out anything or rolling of the eyes. I actually witness he can do it today. He actually go all his homework and work done by 3:30ish. I was very excited for him and I even complimented him on that. I give him time to watch t.v. and let him have a snack!!! I mean I could have so told him NO and be a total bitch about it.
I often wonder if I'm being too hard on him in trying to teach him to be a gentleman when he is totally incapable of being that. With having him have Aspergers the children don't exactly have feelings or understand about social manners or anything. So am I expecting too much or trying to teach the unteachable? I'm not sure.
It's been a while since I even said anything on FB b/c I get yelled at just by venting. I sometimes I just want to vent and get things off my chest. I sometimes feel that when I go to W I'm more of a sibling and telling on J than a mother that is concerned about rules? When he goes to bed I don't the motion like he's going to hug me like he does to GM or W but then again I don't motion to him either b/c I'm mad at him. I mean, he yells at me and then turns around to think everything is hunky dory and I'm supposed to forgive him for yelling at me and give him a hug? I don't think so!!! I'm sorry I can't forgive knowing I'm going to be yelled at soon or right after I forgive him. I get the yelling the most b/c W isn't involved with him that much. Only in scouts or maybe once a month at a camping trip or maybe on weekends. I look forward to the times when I'm not at home and by myself. I love it. I don't have to deal with him or talk to him. I try not to deal with him when I'm at home or react to his stuff that he says or does. I try to look the other way.
You know since I've started this blog. I actually have been feeling better and not coming on here to write with a sad or angry heart. Yes my heart is sad and hurt but it's different when I come on here. I feel like I'm talking to someone that understands me and listens to me and not judge me b/c I feel that sometimes W judges me on my parenting skills or my thought on why I do things.
But anyways, I thank you for listening. :D
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