Respect?

Monday, October 7, 2013

So J asks a question a few weeks back on what is respect? REALLY? He supposed to know that b/c we (or at least I do) try to teach him that so why would he be asking what that meant?  It amazes me that J does not give me the respect that I deserve.  All I ask is to have him do certain things and just do them w/o moaning, groaning, griping and complaining but he does.  I don't really ask him to like jump off a tall building, or go run down to the store and buy groceries for me and walk home.  I just want him to do as I ask w/o out anything or rolling of the eyes.  I actually witness he can do it today.  He actually go all his homework and work done by 3:30ish.  I was very excited for him and I even complimented him on that.  I give him time to watch t.v. and let him have a snack!!! I mean I could have so told him NO and be a total bitch about it. 

I often wonder if I'm being too hard on him in trying to teach him to be a gentleman when he is totally incapable of being that.  With having him have Aspergers the children don't exactly have feelings or understand about social manners or anything.  So am I expecting too much or trying to teach the unteachable? I'm not sure. 

It's been a while since I even said anything on FB b/c I get yelled at just by venting.  I sometimes I just want to vent and get things off my chest.  I sometimes feel that when I go to W I'm more of a sibling and telling on J than a mother that is concerned about rules? When he goes to bed I don't the motion like he's going to hug me like he does to GM or W but then again I don't motion to him either b/c I'm mad at him.  I mean, he yells at me and then turns around to think everything is hunky dory and I'm supposed to forgive him for yelling at me and give him a hug?  I don't think so!!! I'm sorry I can't forgive knowing I'm going to be yelled at soon or right after I forgive him.  I get the yelling the most b/c W isn't involved with him that much.  Only in scouts or maybe once a month at a camping trip or maybe on weekends.  I look forward to the times when I'm not at home and by myself.  I love it.  I don't have to deal with him or talk to him.  I try not to deal with him when I'm at home or react to his stuff that he says or does.  I try to look the other way.

You know since I've started this blog.  I actually have been feeling better and not coming on here to write with a sad or angry heart.  Yes my heart is sad and hurt but it's different when I come on here.  I feel like I'm talking to someone that understands me and listens to me and not judge me b/c I feel that sometimes W judges me on my parenting skills or my thought on why I do things. 

But anyways, I thank you for listening. :D