A small success for me

January 23, 2013

I know with all this writing that maybe someday I'll look back at all these thoughts and think to myself, "Wow, I can't believe how long I've come" or "gosh, how mean I was to my own son" or "what a good mom/wife I was to deal with such crap."  These days I've been a little mixed up on some things.  I'm trying so hard, at least I think I'm trying, not to be or get upset or mad at my son.  I've been reading a lot of things about parenting a child with ADHD and Aspergers and they all said to be calm.  As much as I try not to get angry I always do.  I've been trying to walk away when I start arguing with him.  I've been walking away hopefully before anything starts.  I've just realized (well, I JUST didn't realize) that I'm arguing with an 11 year old! What the hell does an 11 year know!!! NOTHING!!! So now they think just by living 11 years they know everything!!! I think that's what upsets me the most!!! My question to myself is: WHY DO THE THINGS HE DOES BUG ME SO MUCH? I mean I have things that bug me too but gosh, why does the things HE does bug me?  It shouldn't b/c it's J and I should be patient with him. Ugh!!! I try not to have those things he does bug me so much but it does.  It's so annoying. I'm sure none of you understand what I'm going through!

So anyways, today was an interesting day.  We started school off a little different.  First of all he was late b/c he didn't set alarm clock b/c he forgot to set it.  Second, he ended up running behind the rest of the morning and when he starts running behind schedule it makes it not a good day at all. He finished his morning routine and of course he was late for school. He started at 9:20!!! School starts at 9:00!!! Before we start I thought I would have him read the following:

 

"The Fence

 

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.  His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every timehe lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the fence.  The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.  Over the next few weeks as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily, gradually dwindled down.  He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

 

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.  He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.  The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

 

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.  He said "you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence.  The fence will never be the same,  When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one."  You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.  It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wond is still there. Make sure you control your temper the next time you are temped to say something you will regret later."

 

I had J read this story and when he finished he didn't understand that the story is about him.  I wonder.  I wonder the reason why he is not understanding is b/c of his Aspergers b/c of the disconnection with feelings.  Or he's just not connecting b/c he's just not connecting that it would pertain to him? Not sure how to take this.  So I go into this rendition of how it's our job (as parents) to bring him up like a man according to the Bible.  It's our job and a command made by God that we bring our children up in the ways of the Lord b/c when he's grown and moves from us it will not leave him.  I like the IDEA of the putting a nail in a piece of wood everytime he gets angry.  I think I need that!! lol!!! I would like to see how many times I get angry at him.  Maybe that will show that I need to be more flexible or understanding.  Maybe it would show me how many times he gets angry at something so small or just something I said.  I told him that I don't tell him to do things to ruin his life, I tell him to do things b/c he needs to learn!!! The Bible says that always have OBEY (even I) what is asked of me.  No grumbling, griping, moaning or groaning.  We have to do what we have to do whether we like it or not.

 

With that long talk we FINALLY started school and we even ended early!!! Woohoo!!! At 2:00. I think he enjoyed the mini field trip we did about the trees in the area.  We had a science field trip.  I'm wondering what I'm going to be teaching tomorrow.  Oh yeah, We have history. 

 

Lord I pray that you work on me and You chisel away all the bad junk that have piled upon me.  Make me new and shiney.  Chisel away all the blotches and rub my body to shine for you. I pray You give me strength when I feel week and You lift me up when I fall.  I bow to You and honor You in all that You do and say. Have me to follow your ways and may I be a vessel for You and only you.

 

Amen.



Socially Acceptable

January 18, 2013

I woke up early this morning expecting to have a good day.  Why would I expect anything other THAN a good day?  With the sun shining and the weather is going to nice today, why would I think otherwise.  But that thought is short lived.  With J waking up and W gone, I think J was stressed that he didn't get to see W this morning. 

IDK, maybe it was me that started it but you tell me.  It started out telling J after he was finished mixing the dog food to give to the dog, that he cleaned up his area before feeding Babe.  I commend him for cleaning for sure but he isn't the fastest person that does a task quickly. He decided to wash the can and rinse out the sink before feeding the dog.  IDK, maybe I'm looking way too much into it but shouldn't you feed the dog FIRST before you clean your area where you mixed the pet food?  But then again, I was trying to teach him how to be socially acceptable.  Is that too much?  I mean he was acting like a real ASSHOLE!!! Now my thought is that if I'm thinking it then someone else would too.  But the thing is he said, "Fucking Asshole." So in all essence he got his electronics taken away today.  Okay maybe I shouldn't have said what I said then maybe he wouldn't have said what he said.  (Wade isn't going to like this).  Oh well! Then J was going to walk away, but he actually turned and asked me if I was done talking to him.  Of course I said yes and he stormed away and slammed the door!! What else is new!!! So of course I go back to his room and tell him to stop slamming doors (been telling him to stop that since we lived here - 6 months).  I'm getting tired of telling him the same thing.  I guess our conversation started out to where he said, "sorry." Anyways, he got angry at me and blamed me for getting him angry. I've told him since he slammed the doors and his attitude is not in check, he has lost his electronics for the day. As we were talking he got more angry and he motioned for his BB Gun. You say WHAT! Yes, he motioned for his BB Gun and looking at me that way. I'm sorry but that to me is not acceptable.  So he had his electronics taken away for a week!!!

So after awhile of talking of who's fault it was who started it, I decided I was going to bow out of the conversation and left.  So what did he do??? He slammed the door AGAIN!!! Does this kid NOT learn!!! OMG, REALLY????!!!!  So I go back in to his room and remind him AGAIN to NOT slam the doors.  Stop taking your anger out on the door, the door didn't do anything to you.  J tells me that he's angry.  I get that.  Really??? Didn't notice you were angry.  Duh!!!  Of course your angry but you have to channel that anger a different way. 

He's not making me want to homeschool next year!! I think if I did that would be insane.  You know the meaning of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  I must be insane then.  lol!!!

With me talking to him and not yelling kind of makes things good.  He's calm when I spoke to him. I guess me reading all these websites are helping plus doing a bible study on Anger Management helped as well.  I'M TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO YELL.  IDK if that's my new years resolution or what but I've been trying to not to react on what he says.  I think that's the thing.  I'm trying to walk away when the intuition tells me to and not to cave in on when he talks to me.  I try to point out when he's "baiting" me along and when I catch him, oh boy, he hates that!!! He is a dead give away when I catch him on what he's trying to do and when he lies. 

Doesn't he know by now that I've been there done that sort of thing? I guess not.  I guess that's why he's not all there and clueless.

What the future lies....

January 13, 2013

This past week went well.  This was the start of a fairly good week as far as homeschooling went.  J was cooperating and he actually did his work and he finished each day early.  IMAGINE THAT! I've been telling him that since September.  Like I told J and W before, I LOVE homeschooling when I'm not having so many bad days compare to the good days.  I guess I'm asking too much as far as having good days out weigh the bad days.  I don't think I'm ask too much b/c isn't when the kids go to school they get in there, do their job and leave at a decent time from school.  The teachers don't allow certain things to happen to make the schedule fall behind.  I've been up in the air about sending J back into school and today was one of those bad days.  Well, I KNOW what the reason for the bad day.  He'd forgotten to take his daytime pill.  He seems more respectful (not by much) and listens more when he's on his daytime pill than when he's not on his pill.  I like him better when he's on his pill.  Isn't that sad that a tiny pill makes such a difference and when I try to help him he gets angry or gives me attitude.  How many times does it take to get your point across? This morning was a perfect example when he's not on his pills.  We had breakfast and he had chocolate milk with a straw (nothing wrong with that). When he was getting close to the bottom he started slurping his chocolate milk from his straw.  I understand about slurping at the end of a great drink trust me.  I do that all the time but to continue on AFTER you have been told to stop!! He kept on doing it AFTER I told him NOT to do that again 4 - 5x after I've told him two prior times AND his grandmother had told him to stop as well a couple of MORE times.  So I took his electronics away for the day.  We got home from going to Target and he had homework to do before doing anything else.  He FINALLY finished a letter that he started at the beginning of this month and then he finally finished his Diamante poem that was assigned to him last Friday. With his issues he doesn't finish any of his tasks that are given to him.  Example: September for Science he made a paper mache' earth.  He has YET to put the other continents on there yet!!! I'M STILL WAITING!!!  I just get so frustrated.

Anyways, to finish what I started to say at the beginning of my blog.  This past week was fairly good.  It had its ups and downs. I think I would say more ups than downs but just wait till I tell my week and then tell me. 

Monday went well, school started out well, well, maybe it didn't.  J was late as always.  I know how could he be late for school when the school is at home, you might ask? IDK, you would probably have to ask J yourself.  I could never figure that one out either. lol! Anyways, we started school and ended early!!! Imagine that!

Tuesday, was the same started late and finished early. Don't ask! 

Wednesday, I laid down the law.  I told him that I'm tired of him coming into school whenever he wanted so I told him if you're late I start taking away the things he loves the most.  His NINTENDO 3DS/DS games, then T.V. time etc. Amazing what happens when you lay down the law and seeing that he's going to be loosing privileges he moves his butt.  He actually started on time Wednesday morning!

Thursday, I met a great group of HOMESCHOOLED Mom's at Chucky E. Cheeses.  This group is called V-CHEO (Valley Christian Homeschool Education Organization). It's been a long time waiting for me to find a group that I'm looking for.  I found some other ones but the group seem younger than what I'm looking for.  This group V-CHEO has a great mixture of kids that has younger to older (Sr's in H.S.) So this is good.  They do some fun things and have a Mom's Night Out!!! Love it!!! Got done with that meeting and J had an eye appt.  Went to the eye appt and wanted to check his eyes.  Well it comes to find out that he needs reading glasses.  Plus about 3-4 yrs ago he was supposed to receive Vision Therapy but it was too expensive (I was working at that time) I couldn't afford it AND couldn't take the time off to take him there. Now  2013 he needs the therapy again and my sister A, had offered to pay for $2K for the therapy.  That's how much she swears by it.  I know it would be helpful for J then and it would be helpful to him now.  So we set up everything (appts for the next 24 sessions).  I text A to see if that offer was still on the table.  SIDE NOTE: While all this was going on my mother was reaking havoc to everyone as well.  Her early signs of Alzheimers (sp?) all came to fruicion (sp?).  Unbeknownst to me that A was needing to deal with atty's to get a Power of Atty for her mental state.  So going back to my texting A about the Vision Therapy.  A texts back and says no she can't pay for the therapy sessions.  Total downer!!! I was so disappointed I couldn't even tell you.  Well at least J will be receiving his glasses but I'm disappointed about the therapy.  The Dr. was so great!!! She was going to GIVE me 4 ADDITIONAL sessions!!! That was a blessing!!! She didn't have to do that!!

Friday, started on time and did his work and finished early.  He did well, and he asked me if he could have T.V. time or Nintendo time? I told him Nintindo time was good but he threw in ice cream.  Of course I said no b/c he choose the reward for the week! That was not on the list of his choice.  But he was gracious and understood and he choose Nintendo.  That was good.

Saturday, Ugh, not good b/c he had forgotten his pill and it was arguing and complaining, gripping about doing stuff.

Sunday, read the beginning of this blog and that's Sunday morning.

I'm still not sure what I want to do about school.  Think, think, think.

And it just got crazier - Part 2

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Well, since the blow out of this afternoon, things have NOT changed as J has indicated to me.  Imagine that! The promise to me was to have his attitude change, focus more, and pay attention more.  Well at least that's the goal. :D We'll see how that goes.  Anyways, it's amazing on how one persons attitude affects the whole place. 

I had an epiphany (sp?) today.  When W was mentioning to J that we have both had it with his attitude and all that other stuff in discussion today that he would be going back to school and that we would be done with homeschooling.  W was indicating to J that if he doesn't shape up by giving me that respect, as a teacher, I should be receiving, doing what I ask and stop arguing then he would be going back to school.  W indicated as of today this is the line and if he doesn't shape up he's going back.  Okay you got that.  Well, I had an epiphany when W said all that.  I heard EVERYTHING W was saying and it got me to think about all that.  The one question that I had come up with is, "how long DO I want to wait for J? I've been waiting since the beginning of the school year to change but he hasn't." That's what hit me in the face and that's why I (myself) had made the decision to have J go back to school.  I was supposed to wait until he shaped up but how long would that be???? I don't want to wait anymore.  Well, with the decision I made it didn't go over very well with W.  He took as though I totally disregarded his decision and made him feel like SHIT (as he said).  But that wasn't the case at all.  That made me think and as myself, "Do I want to wait AGAIN?"

Since W didn't like my decision he was VERY angry at me (rightfully so) and got out of the house (understandable).  I've been in that place many a time when I made a decision and J told me "well, Daddy told me........" Which totally underminded what I had said previously.  There have been times when I felt VERY angry at W but I didn't leave.  I just dismissed it like it was not big deal.  But anyways, I had made amends with W.  He's REALLY having a hard time with this move to Moreno Valley and us moving into his mom's house.  I realize it's difficult b/c he feels he has failed.  I'm sure with everyone of the families that have lost their houses, they have one time or another have felt that same way.  I just wish that W had a "guy" friend that he confide in like I do with my GF's that I have.  I have a great support group of girls that I could confide in and not have them judge me and also tell me the truth and not what I want to hear but what I SHOULD hear whether it's a good thing or bad thing I want to hear.  W doesn't have anyone and that's sad.  He has closed himself off so much that he doesn't or haven't had a friend that he could call a "friend" in such a long time.  I pray that W finds a friend or friends that he can confide in and I pray that he finds God in a whole different light. I pray that he find God as his bestfriend.  May the Lord open his eyes to see his dearest friend of all......God.  I praise the Lord for the circle of friends I have that the Lord has given me.  I thank you Lord for the support in the homeschool.  :D

And it just got crazier

January 3, 2013

Wow, it's 2013!  How is your 2013 starting out? I sure hope it's better than mine. Mine was quite interesting and STILL not sure about how to take it or handle it. 

New Years Eve Eve - I got a text from J (a friend of mine) and asked if we wanted to come over for NYE.  I haven't answered back b/c not sure if W wanted to do that.  I haven't been sure a lot of things late with him.  I mean if I were alone, I would be doing all kinds of stuff.  I know he's 50 something but do you HAVE to seem like you're 90 something.  I mean, his mom is more active than he is!! Sheesh!!! Anyways, I told him I received a call/text from her and told him what she was wanting.  He sort of grunted! Not sure what that meant but I didn't say anything an waited for him to think about it.  I waiting until S (J's hubby) texted me and asked me the same question.  But first let me retract.  I waited a while and thought I would text Jamie to let her know I got her vm and that we weren't going to be going to spend NYE with them b/c I didn't think he would want his mom to be alone on NYE. I showed W the text I was going to send out.  He told me to hold off on that and still thinking about it.  Now back to S's text with that same question.  I texted back to let S know that I was waiting for W's answer but for me I would love to come but waiting for W. Stupid me, I show W S's text back to me but he had seen my answer to S.  So he finally decides and we go.

New Years Eve - We get to J & S's house around 3:30ish and get settled in.  Walking into their house there is their friends. We talk a little bit and they left around 5ish.  We are all getting ready to go out to dinner. We have reservations at 6:30.  Get to dinner at 6:30 and start in with the margi's.  Well, W hasn't been drinking in a while but he pounds them down like it's water.  I know by the time we finish with dinner he's a drunk (not sure the level of drunkenness but drunk never the less).  Me, I kept to having wine.  I last a long time when I drink wine vs if I drank Margi's. I would have been passed out on the couch by that time we finished dinner. So we leave the restaurant and the boys want to go to the store to get Margi stuff to make at home.  Well, mind you we JUST finished with dinner and have had so much food that I'm ready to explode.  W is driving and I tell him to not drive so crazy or else I'm really going to have to get out of the car.  So W chimes in and says, "Oh what, now I can't drive and so you could just drive." Proceeds to park the car in the grocery store and slams the door.  J looks at me and I tell her, "see what I have to deal with." I say nothing.  I wait patiently in the car until the boys come out of the grocery store with their goods.  Then W says, "what you're not in the driver seat?" Then J's son chimes in "no, she's playing a game on my phone." I just sit there and say nothing. Of course he won't remember what he said and how he said it b/c he is that way when he gets drunk.  He's a mean drunk in disguise.  He doesn't know but that's what he is.  I've noticed that over the years and of course he doesn't remember anything mean he says to mean.  I guess when you're drunk the REAL feelings come out b/c then you can give that excuse that you don't remember! :( Pretty sad if you ask me.

NY Day - wake up and W is all nice and refreshed (sort of).  I suspect that he feels tire b/c he's all hung over or close to it.  He wonders why he's so tired! Hmmmmmm, I wonder why?!!! Duh!!! You've been drinking the night before pinhead!!! OMGosh!!!!  Anyways, he doesn't remember what he says the day before.  Typical and I haven't mentioned anything. 

I guess you can say that with J (son) it was pretty good.  He had his moments (real idiot) but he did good.  I'm not sure what's worse for J, being with someone that he's an idiot too, or by himself and being an idiot.  So either way he's an idiot.  I say it b/c I know he won't see this!!! I know it's terrible but it's true!!!