Thursday, January 3, 2013
Well, since the blow out of this afternoon, things have NOT changed as J has indicated to me. Imagine that! The promise to me was to have his attitude change, focus more, and pay attention more. Well at least that's the goal. :D We'll see how that goes. Anyways, it's amazing on how one persons attitude affects the whole place.
I had an epiphany (sp?) today. When W was mentioning to J that we have both had it with his attitude and all that other stuff in discussion today that he would be going back to school and that we would be done with homeschooling. W was indicating to J that if he doesn't shape up by giving me that respect, as a teacher, I should be receiving, doing what I ask and stop arguing then he would be going back to school. W indicated as of today this is the line and if he doesn't shape up he's going back. Okay you got that. Well, I had an epiphany when W said all that. I heard EVERYTHING W was saying and it got me to think about all that. The one question that I had come up with is, "how long DO I want to wait for J? I've been waiting since the beginning of the school year to change but he hasn't." That's what hit me in the face and that's why I (myself) had made the decision to have J go back to school. I was supposed to wait until he shaped up but how long would that be???? I don't want to wait anymore. Well, with the decision I made it didn't go over very well with W. He took as though I totally disregarded his decision and made him feel like SHIT (as he said). But that wasn't the case at all. That made me think and as myself, "Do I want to wait AGAIN?"
Since W didn't like my decision he was VERY angry at me (rightfully so) and got out of the house (understandable). I've been in that place many a time when I made a decision and J told me "well, Daddy told me........" Which totally underminded what I had said previously. There have been times when I felt VERY angry at W but I didn't leave. I just dismissed it like it was not big deal. But anyways, I had made amends with W. He's REALLY having a hard time with this move to Moreno Valley and us moving into his mom's house. I realize it's difficult b/c he feels he has failed. I'm sure with everyone of the families that have lost their houses, they have one time or another have felt that same way. I just wish that W had a "guy" friend that he confide in like I do with my GF's that I have. I have a great support group of girls that I could confide in and not have them judge me and also tell me the truth and not what I want to hear but what I SHOULD hear whether it's a good thing or bad thing I want to hear. W doesn't have anyone and that's sad. He has closed himself off so much that he doesn't or haven't had a friend that he could call a "friend" in such a long time. I pray that W finds a friend or friends that he can confide in and I pray that he finds God in a whole different light. I pray that he find God as his bestfriend. May the Lord open his eyes to see his dearest friend of all......God. I praise the Lord for the circle of friends I have that the Lord has given me. I thank you Lord for the support in the homeschool. :D
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